cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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