Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
