Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
