the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
