If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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