ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just invented taco cereal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
