He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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