More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
