i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
