When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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