I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
