brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
