i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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