yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
