Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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