I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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