There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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