so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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