I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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