Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
