the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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