the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
