Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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