i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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