Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
