I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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