google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Boobs are out for the taking
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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