member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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