I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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