bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My penis needs a shock collar
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
