What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
