At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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