You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
