Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
