I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
