she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize