I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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