If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
