i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
