Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize