forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
