I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize