then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My penis needs a shock collar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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