fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
