I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
