Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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