Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
