The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
