The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Couch. On fire.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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