he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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