Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
