Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
