I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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