he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize