8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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