i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me they were just razor bumps!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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