I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
