it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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