I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
