I met the friendliest cop last night
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
