Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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