he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
