I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
