where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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