i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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