Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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