We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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