i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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