I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
