i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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