I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want her autograph on my taint
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
