I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
