I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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