it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
