I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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