Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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