You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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