I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
