so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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