Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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